I think this image is very apropos for this posting. I have taken a massive hiatus in the world of getting in shape. It is now March and the last time I was at the gym was in January. Honestly life was crazy and things were not in my control. But that really isn't an excuse, because I should have to used the gym as an escape and the one thing I could have control over in my life. But it seems dumb to waste good energy on what could have been. I do get annoyed at the fact that if I would have stuck with it, by now I could be only 10-15 lbs off my mark. However, like I said no use in focusing on the past. It's time to focus on my future, and what amazing things lie ahead.
I went to the gym today, the alarm went off at 4:30 and honestly I was determined to stay in bed and sleep more. But the longer I stayed in bed the more awake and guilty I felt for not moving. So I finally said, "Screw it!" Got up, got my gym clothes on and hit it. I only did the treadmill for 20 minutes, but that is more than I did yesterday. So, go me! Tomorrow I'll do 25 minutes, and so on. I want to be able to do a 5K this summer and wear at least a bathing suit.
I am also making some emotional changes in my life. My S/O and I took a step forward in our relationship and that has been sort of anxiety inducing. But it is a positive step and I am confident that it will lead us to further great things.
I also set up an appointment to see a therapist. I found a sliding fee scale location who charges based on income. I have never really spoken to anyone, (except my S/O and cousin) about my past and what has happened to me over the years. I need to have some help getting out of the emotional rut I am stuck in. I also feel as though this combined with gym hard work will get me to the self esteem level I deserve to be at. I have such a pathetic view of myself in all forms. But at good majority of it stems from being unhappy with my physical self. I view myself as weak, and I hate it. I think if I am happy with how I look in the mirror that will push me further to being happy overall.
The downside/hard side to all this is the eating part. I currently don't have a lot of money and grocery shopping in a healthy form is so much more difficult if you don't have money. So right now I make cheap for dinner. Which never includes really healthy foods. I just need to learn to control my portions of food. Sadly I weighed in at 152.3 lbs this morning. I have been as low as 146 lbs and seeing that weight gain has me sort of sad.
Anyway, it is 6:19 am and I need to get the day of work going. Cleaning, moving things and work later today. Long filled, exhausting day. But hey, I am made from tough stuff and can do it!
I hope you all, (whoever is reading this) have a very blessed and amazing day!
1 comment:
Hey I can relate to some of what you said! I have not had the best self image lately and have been feeling g down on myself and lack of confidence so I actually started to see a therapist also so its been good:) I'm glad to hear that you are as well!! I am also try I g to make a lifestyle change in my eating and such so I am happy that you fought against the desire to stay in bed. Keep going Nicole and don't give up because you have come so far and I hope the best for you and hope you can start to see yourself as a beautiful and truly feel it inside and out:)
Love you, Garrett
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