I. Love. Running!

Well today I have decided I officially love running. It feels so free and liberating. I ran more than walked today, which honestly felt so good. I did have a slight issue with pain in my hips because I am not used to running. But man I loved it. I honestly cannot wait to go again tomorrow. ;)

I was hoping at Thanksgiving next year BF and I could do a 5K Turkey Trot, which is 3.1 miles. But since today I really did well running and combined did a little above 2 miles, I figure that will be sorta easy. So maybe a 10K, which is 6.2 miles. Which could be difficult for me still a year out. Either way, I just love running.

Anyway, today as been an up and down sort of day and looking forward to going to a Christmas party tonight. Hoping to take out any blah feelings I am having tonight.

Have a good night everyone!

Who knew running would actually be enjoyable....

Granted, I don't mean long distance running or super fast running. Just simply running.

This morning after my "Trouble Spots" work out I decided to walk the track until BF was done with his work out. I began with just walking the first couple, and walking faster than usual. Then I decided to run a lap and see just how far I could get. So it played out, run a lap, walk a lap, run a lap, walk a lap. Then, then, then, I ran two laps! (I realize this seems trivial in the eyes of many, but for me this is rather significant.)

I used to get winded running down my stairs or running the mailbox, which was just around 50 yards away. But I guess we all have to start somewhere, right?

I didn't get much sleep last night, was afraid that today would be a big fat failure as far as work out goes. But I feel pretty good about it, and hoping the rest of today is just as good.

As a side note, I used to be literally obsessed with the scale. I mean, get on it at least twice a day obsessed. I am going through withdraws when I go into my bathroom and see it lonely sitting there. I have resisted the urge to jump on it. I have decided just every Monday is good enough for now. Maybe I can do without for two weeks next month. That would be a shocker.

NPC Utah

I apparently suck at doing any updates on this page, unlike previous times. However the upside seems to be that I don't suck at doing the actual work to get where I am headed. I have discovered NPC Utah, (National Physique Committee) with their future shows. The one I am attempting to be ready for will probably be in October, which will give me a little under a year to get ready for. Since I have a pretty long way to go to get there, I am hoping it works out. If not, at least I am headed in that direction and will do one of the ones after that. The only issue I have with these shows are the outfits, tacky tacky tacky. I am not a sparkle bikini kind of girl or "glass heels" either. Well let's face reality here, aside from my pregnancy days I have never been a bikini sort of girl. 

Alas, I am working on it. 

Anyway, it is a slow process but I will get there. Having support of someone I am dating, is helpful as well. Getting up at 4:30 am to work out together sounds awful, but honestly isn't that hard when you get to bed at a decent hour. The only downside is if you get crummy sleep the night before. Today at the gym the usual weights I was going to use were all taken, so I had to up the weight for the dumbbells. I was using 8lbs, (insert laugh here) the start with. Today I had to use 15lbs, (continue laughing) and it was a nice struggle for me. I realize that I will have to do a lot more than that weight to get where I am going, but we all have to start somewhere right? 

A few of my reps were really hard and I barely was able to do my final set, which speaks well for me. 

Food wise doesn't seem to be as big a struggle for me this time around. Using some good healthy recipes and finding stuff that works well for me is seemingly pretty simple. I'm on my way. 

On a personal note, I seem to be struggling a lot lately with some emotional issues. Financially feeling stretched thin, missing my children. Just not feeling as up to par lately as I would hope. Not liking what I see in the mirror and not feeling as validated as I apparently need to be. Which sounds like a really dumb thing, however given my past, it makes mild sense to me. I have a feeling I will always struggle on some level with not feeling good enough for anyone. Not feeling as if the person I am with is proud of me, even if they are. I'm scared of getting hurt again, but at the same time I have little to no issue of jumping in with both feet. I'm not a huge cryer, but have found myself tearful in the shower lately. It's eating me up. 

But I know myself and I'll push through and get over it. I fortunately am not like a lot of people. I don't let things fester and build up, then have a monumental break down over it all. Usually things stay in my mind for a while and then seemingly fade away and it doesn't seem to matter to me anymore. So I know I will get there, but when is the only question I have right now. 

Anyway, off to get ready for work and hope today is better! 

November 18th, 2014

Sometimes you need to step outside, get some fresh air, and 

remind yourself who you are and who you want to be. 

Here I am restarting again, yes again I said. However I wouldn't so much call ire restarting all together. I have been working on getting to my goal over a while now, and just recently remembered to put to use this great tool.

When I starting this journey forever ago, (feels like it) I was a whopping 198lbs. As of today I am at a still whopping 148lbs. Now yes it is in fact 50lbs lighter, which is nothing to sneer at. But I still have a long way to go.

The issue I seem to be coming across is that my bone structure is very small. So I am wearing a size 6 jeans. (Yes I said size 6, compared to the 16/18 I used to wear) But I still have a long way to go to get the body I really want. I have always wanted that body builder, sleek, toned look. Like below.

I would love to have a body like hers, add a lot more tattoos and more piercings and bam, me!! So I know I have the physical structure to be this kind of shape, it is just getting there that is taking a long time. I realize that soon I will have to stop with the scale, measure myself more instead. Because I do know that muscle weighs more than fat. Also base my progress on how well my clothes fit. Getting off my scale addiction will probably be a difficult thing for me, unless it is hidden from my sight.

Anyway, my progress is going well and I know I will get there. I just need to make sure to stick to it this time. Getting a gym membership, also trying to get a second job at Discover Card. They have a gym there with personal trainers you can use. It is only $20 a month, which for a full gym, with showers and classes isn't bad at all. I could use it right after work and get ready for my other job there as well. Now it is just a matter of eating clean. Which I am working on. It is a slow process as well, but it will get there in time. I found a cook book that I asked for Christmas from Santa. (AKA Mom) that is all really healthy clean meals, based on a website I use a lot. So with all these tools at my fingertips, this should be a breeze right? Oh I hope so! I am so tired of not being happy with my body and the way I look!

Well everyone, (all four of you reading this) until next time. Hopefully I can keep this up.

Night ! 

Small changes can make a big difference!

I stop, restart, stop, restart and the cycle never seems to stop. But all I can really do is keep trying. I have all these cute clothes that I want to be able to wear, and right now I am stuck in over-sized t-shirts and jeans.

I hate it.

Since I came back from my trip to my hometown I have been trying to make small changes in my daily life. Not to over do it, hopefully the small things will make a difference in me keeping at it this time. I am trying to make healthier dinners on a budget. But when my meals are not as healthy as I hope, then I substitute a salad with a light dressing and eat a smaller portion.

I hope everyone has a great day!

"Here I go again on my own"

Fitting, since I feel like I am all alone in this world of fitness. I keep starting, doing well and then stopping. And I realize that if I just would stick to it at least one time I might just be at my goal, and wearing my VS swimming suit this summer. Instead of hiding behind my t-shirt with bathing suit.

But here is my new goal. I am going home to visit family in mid-August. Which means I have 59 days to drop 31 lbs. I can do it. I need to stick to a strict diet and a strict workout regime. Which is hard for me because my knee and ankle are hurting lately. But I really just need to look past it and do what I can.

I need to do a lot of research and find exactly what foods I need to eat and stay away from. It is hard for me because I bake goodies for a living. I am not a huge cake fan, but my sugar cookies are amazing and that is a really big temptation for me. I always have to make extra to give cookies and goodies to my children. I just need to learn a little self control. I will get there, just takes time.

My parents have a hot tub and I want to be able to get into it without feeling weird in a bathing suit. I might still wear a cover, but at least not feel so bad about it all. I want to be able to wear the clothes that I currently have in my closet to the house. Not be stuck in t-shirts and jeans all the time. Which is what I have been having to wear lately.

I can do this! I can get there!!!! Just give me time and sup

Day 1 (again)

"Old habits die hard. But they do die if you work at it!" 

I am sure this post title is a little confusing and yet not at all at the same time. Well let's be honest, I took a couple weeks off from posting, dieting and working out. Why? Well simply because I wanted to. I was doing well, and just felt a need to take some time to myself and not worry about anything else regarding diet or fitness related. I ate what I felt like eating and did what I wanted to do. 

What did I learn? A lot. 

I saw a huge shift in my energy levels, moods and overall well being. I felt horrid after some really fatty meals that left me bloated and gross. I felt oily and noticed a change in my skin again. Funny how such simple changes can make life so different. 

I was/am not getting a lot of sleep due to my 3 year old going through a separation issue, which never helps anything. I think that was also a big factor in taking time off. I needed to focus on figuring out what to do to solve the issue. And honestly I have yet to come up with a solution. 

But it is drawing near my 31st birthday and I want to be down another 10-15lbs before then. I want to enjoy my birthday, even though I will still be far off from my goal weight. So I decided to hope back on the bandwagon that I actually did enjoy and miss. Adding working out will be tough just like it was before, but I can do it. I did it once and lost 30lbs, (give or take 2lbs) and so I am sure I can do it again. 

I have planned meals for the next two weeks off a web site that has healthy meals, and a few not so healthy meals. But I figure that as long as I don't over eat that day and I don't over indulge myself then, I should be okay. Portion size has a lot to do with weight loss. 

Anyway, I am simply waiting for Jon to get up so I can take a short nap and then run and work out. I have two goals this coming year. (my birthday year, from June 2012 to June 2013) Next years birthday I want to go to on a fancy date with my husband. Symphony, something kind of fancy where I can dress up and feel good in a sexy kind of dress. I also want to run in some sort of race. Even if it is just a 5K, I will do it! 

Alright so here we go again! I hope you enjoy!!!!!

Remember any words of advice or encouragement are always welcome!!!