Cheats, Days off, Pain and Exhaustion

There is no better way to describe the last couple days than the title of this post. Sunday was a day off, which was very much needed. Sunday night was my work's Christmas party. Which was nice and I enjoyed myself, however maybe a little too much. Seconds of ham and turkey and mashed potatoes. I even told myself I was an idiot going for that second round, but you know what it happened, nothing I can do about it now.

Monday, well Monday was crap. Sleep was nearly nonexistent the night before and getting up at 4:30 was just not happening. Lucky for me, work was slow but that allowed me to get a lot of work done around the store. Redressing brides, rearranging the run, redoing bridesmaid dresses. So I never really sat down.

Last night was a bad night of sleep as well. Waking up at 4:30 was also not going to happen. So we woke up later, and headed to the gym. Both feeling mildly grumpy. But the good news is that the work out was great. I did my whole circuit and pushed myself very hard, using 20lbs instead of the 12 that I am used to. After one circuit I ran two laps around the track and went back for a second circuit. I didn't make it through the entire circuit the second time around mostly because my legs were killing me. But you have to start somewhere right? So after getting to the point of pain, we walked the track several times and then headed out to have some lunch.

I have the day off so today it is all about cleaning and getting little things done around my house that I don't have a ton of time to do normally. Salmon is marinating in the fridge, green beans will be cut soon and then some rice is already ready to go. After some random house cleaning, maybe just maybe I will lay down on the couch and crash for a little bit. Knowing myself, I won't but the idea sound appealing.


Anyway, back on topic of fitness. As far as my eating is going, I really do well with breakfast and most of the time dinner. Lunch is probably hardest for me. I really need to figure out my ideal carb, protein, fat and caloric intake to get to the my desired weight. As far as working out go, I'll continue on the path I am until I finish the book's program. And continue running until around March. At that time I will probably take around three months off and focus on training only. Then after the three months if I feel ready to the do the competition I will go back to adding in running to get down to the best shape with training before the show. Either way I need to trick my body right now into confusion. Which let's be honest I am doing currently by even working out. :)

Anyway, cleaning time it is. Thanks for stopping by if anyone does. (Shout out to my cuz Kelli, since I know for a fact that she reads this! <3 nbsp="" p="">

I. Love. Running!

Well today I have decided I officially love running. It feels so free and liberating. I ran more than walked today, which honestly felt so good. I did have a slight issue with pain in my hips because I am not used to running. But man I loved it. I honestly cannot wait to go again tomorrow. ;)

I was hoping at Thanksgiving next year BF and I could do a 5K Turkey Trot, which is 3.1 miles. But since today I really did well running and combined did a little above 2 miles, I figure that will be sorta easy. So maybe a 10K, which is 6.2 miles. Which could be difficult for me still a year out. Either way, I just love running.

Anyway, today as been an up and down sort of day and looking forward to going to a Christmas party tonight. Hoping to take out any blah feelings I am having tonight.

Have a good night everyone!

Who knew running would actually be enjoyable....

Granted, I don't mean long distance running or super fast running. Just simply running.

This morning after my "Trouble Spots" work out I decided to walk the track until BF was done with his work out. I began with just walking the first couple, and walking faster than usual. Then I decided to run a lap and see just how far I could get. So it played out, run a lap, walk a lap, run a lap, walk a lap. Then, then, then, I ran two laps! (I realize this seems trivial in the eyes of many, but for me this is rather significant.)

I used to get winded running down my stairs or running the mailbox, which was just around 50 yards away. But I guess we all have to start somewhere, right?

I didn't get much sleep last night, was afraid that today would be a big fat failure as far as work out goes. But I feel pretty good about it, and hoping the rest of today is just as good.

As a side note, I used to be literally obsessed with the scale. I mean, get on it at least twice a day obsessed. I am going through withdraws when I go into my bathroom and see it lonely sitting there. I have resisted the urge to jump on it. I have decided just every Monday is good enough for now. Maybe I can do without for two weeks next month. That would be a shocker.

NPC Utah

I apparently suck at doing any updates on this page, unlike previous times. However the upside seems to be that I don't suck at doing the actual work to get where I am headed. I have discovered NPC Utah, (National Physique Committee) with their future shows. The one I am attempting to be ready for will probably be in October, which will give me a little under a year to get ready for. Since I have a pretty long way to go to get there, I am hoping it works out. If not, at least I am headed in that direction and will do one of the ones after that. The only issue I have with these shows are the outfits, tacky tacky tacky. I am not a sparkle bikini kind of girl or "glass heels" either. Well let's face reality here, aside from my pregnancy days I have never been a bikini sort of girl. 

Alas, I am working on it. 

Anyway, it is a slow process but I will get there. Having support of someone I am dating, is helpful as well. Getting up at 4:30 am to work out together sounds awful, but honestly isn't that hard when you get to bed at a decent hour. The only downside is if you get crummy sleep the night before. Today at the gym the usual weights I was going to use were all taken, so I had to up the weight for the dumbbells. I was using 8lbs, (insert laugh here) the start with. Today I had to use 15lbs, (continue laughing) and it was a nice struggle for me. I realize that I will have to do a lot more than that weight to get where I am going, but we all have to start somewhere right? 

A few of my reps were really hard and I barely was able to do my final set, which speaks well for me. 

Food wise doesn't seem to be as big a struggle for me this time around. Using some good healthy recipes and finding stuff that works well for me is seemingly pretty simple. I'm on my way. 

On a personal note, I seem to be struggling a lot lately with some emotional issues. Financially feeling stretched thin, missing my children. Just not feeling as up to par lately as I would hope. Not liking what I see in the mirror and not feeling as validated as I apparently need to be. Which sounds like a really dumb thing, however given my past, it makes mild sense to me. I have a feeling I will always struggle on some level with not feeling good enough for anyone. Not feeling as if the person I am with is proud of me, even if they are. I'm scared of getting hurt again, but at the same time I have little to no issue of jumping in with both feet. I'm not a huge cryer, but have found myself tearful in the shower lately. It's eating me up. 

But I know myself and I'll push through and get over it. I fortunately am not like a lot of people. I don't let things fester and build up, then have a monumental break down over it all. Usually things stay in my mind for a while and then seemingly fade away and it doesn't seem to matter to me anymore. So I know I will get there, but when is the only question I have right now. 

Anyway, off to get ready for work and hope today is better! 

November 18th, 2014

Sometimes you need to step outside, get some fresh air, and 

remind yourself who you are and who you want to be. 

Here I am restarting again, yes again I said. However I wouldn't so much call ire restarting all together. I have been working on getting to my goal over a while now, and just recently remembered to put to use this great tool.

When I starting this journey forever ago, (feels like it) I was a whopping 198lbs. As of today I am at a still whopping 148lbs. Now yes it is in fact 50lbs lighter, which is nothing to sneer at. But I still have a long way to go.

The issue I seem to be coming across is that my bone structure is very small. So I am wearing a size 6 jeans. (Yes I said size 6, compared to the 16/18 I used to wear) But I still have a long way to go to get the body I really want. I have always wanted that body builder, sleek, toned look. Like below.

I would love to have a body like hers, add a lot more tattoos and more piercings and bam, me!! So I know I have the physical structure to be this kind of shape, it is just getting there that is taking a long time. I realize that soon I will have to stop with the scale, measure myself more instead. Because I do know that muscle weighs more than fat. Also base my progress on how well my clothes fit. Getting off my scale addiction will probably be a difficult thing for me, unless it is hidden from my sight.

Anyway, my progress is going well and I know I will get there. I just need to make sure to stick to it this time. Getting a gym membership, also trying to get a second job at Discover Card. They have a gym there with personal trainers you can use. It is only $20 a month, which for a full gym, with showers and classes isn't bad at all. I could use it right after work and get ready for my other job there as well. Now it is just a matter of eating clean. Which I am working on. It is a slow process as well, but it will get there in time. I found a cook book that I asked for Christmas from Santa. (AKA Mom) that is all really healthy clean meals, based on a website I use a lot. So with all these tools at my fingertips, this should be a breeze right? Oh I hope so! I am so tired of not being happy with my body and the way I look!

Well everyone, (all four of you reading this) until next time. Hopefully I can keep this up.

Night ! 

Small changes can make a big difference!

I stop, restart, stop, restart and the cycle never seems to stop. But all I can really do is keep trying. I have all these cute clothes that I want to be able to wear, and right now I am stuck in over-sized t-shirts and jeans.

I hate it.

Since I came back from my trip to my hometown I have been trying to make small changes in my daily life. Not to over do it, hopefully the small things will make a difference in me keeping at it this time. I am trying to make healthier dinners on a budget. But when my meals are not as healthy as I hope, then I substitute a salad with a light dressing and eat a smaller portion.

I hope everyone has a great day!

"Here I go again on my own"

Fitting, since I feel like I am all alone in this world of fitness. I keep starting, doing well and then stopping. And I realize that if I just would stick to it at least one time I might just be at my goal, and wearing my VS swimming suit this summer. Instead of hiding behind my t-shirt with bathing suit.

But here is my new goal. I am going home to visit family in mid-August. Which means I have 59 days to drop 31 lbs. I can do it. I need to stick to a strict diet and a strict workout regime. Which is hard for me because my knee and ankle are hurting lately. But I really just need to look past it and do what I can.

I need to do a lot of research and find exactly what foods I need to eat and stay away from. It is hard for me because I bake goodies for a living. I am not a huge cake fan, but my sugar cookies are amazing and that is a really big temptation for me. I always have to make extra to give cookies and goodies to my children. I just need to learn a little self control. I will get there, just takes time.

My parents have a hot tub and I want to be able to get into it without feeling weird in a bathing suit. I might still wear a cover, but at least not feel so bad about it all. I want to be able to wear the clothes that I currently have in my closet to the house. Not be stuck in t-shirts and jeans all the time. Which is what I have been having to wear lately.

I can do this! I can get there!!!! Just give me time and sup